Hateful Thoughts

Plot
The house is a mess with stuff all over the floor and things thrown around. Daisy is laughing while crying in a hysterical manner, almost reminiscent of her hysterical laughing in "My Dad's Tape!!" She then says that Alan won't be in this video, and to everyone who only watches her videos for him to click away. She expresses that she feels like no one cares about her, and everyone only watches her videos for Alan, her abuser.

She cries and sobs throughout the video, and she encounters a complete breakdown. She says she is having hateful thoughts and she doesn't care. She also says that Alan is asleep in Dad's room and she does not care if she wakes him up. She says she doesn't care if he fights her, and he doesn't scare her anymore.

She tears down all the drawings made by Alan and crumples and rips them up.

We then learn the reason behind her breakdown is because Alan had destroyed the tape left by her father in "My Dad's Tape!!" It was the last bit of her father that she had and she would listen to it for comfort. She calls herself stupid, just as Alan had called her multiple times. She says she's a burden on everyone, and she is mad that Alan has taken so much from her. She also wonders why Alan is better than her and why her dad had to make something to replace her. She again brings up the point that everyone only wants to see Alan in the videos. "Why can't I ever by enough? What do I have to do?"

She says that everyone keeps asking her questions that she doesn't have the answer to like "What's in the basement?" "Tell me more about Lynks disease." "Tell me more about Alan." "How does that work?" "What's this? What's that? "Who's the Author?" She says she doesn't know any of it because she's "fucking stupid."

She says she wishes she wasn't born and that her dad would be happier that way. She feels like she is annoying and messes everything up. Everyone would be happier without her. She ends the video saying "I wanna die."

The type of self-deprecating language that Daisy uses in this video is typical of someone who suffers from depression and/or anxiety. She feels unwanted and unloved, and she feels like the root of everyone else's suffering. She blames herself for things out of her control and constantly downgrades herself.

Subplot
A conversation between Alan and Daisy. Alan is telling Daisy that she killed her mom when she was born. Daisy's father never told her about her mother, and Daisy grew up thinking she did not even have a mom. Alan seems to know this information because Curtis may have talked about Rose in the lab before he went away. He may have told his experiments why he is doing these experiments. He must have told them about Daisy, too, but it seems a little odd that he would tell them such horrible things about her. Curtis was abusive, but he seemed to have actually loved Daisy, and may have been abusive out of his own mental illnesses or grief for his wife.
 * Curtis was right about you.
 * He said you were secretly evil.
 * "I'm not doing this, Alan."
 * Do you know that you killed your mom?
 * "I don't have a mom."
 * You had one. She's just gone because of you.
 * "You're not making sense. Stop talking to me."
 * You killed her as a baby.
 * "I...How? No, that doesn't make sense."
 * "Don't touch me!"
 * Listen to me when I talk to you.
 * "No."
 * Aw, are you upset? Is the baby gonna cry?
 * *chuckles* It only makes sense...
 * You got rid of one of your parents, so you got rid of the other one too.
 * You're dad was right about another thing about you too.
 * You really are a fucking crybaby.
 * You really are a fucking crybaby.

Important Notes

 * In one of her cooking videos, we see there are 2 blue chairs sitting upright at the counter. She said she was going to put Alan in that chair but she didn't want him to fall off and get hurt. In the previous video (Q&A), there are two blue chairs. One sitting upright, and one on its side. In this video, we are shown THREE blue chairs, all on their side. Again, there is no confirmed connection between Daisy Brown and alantutorial/Alan Resnick, but there seems to be a strong vibe from alantutorial with the deliberate blue chairs and the way they are on their sides. It also seems important that they are growing in number, as if Daisy's demons are also growing in number.

Description (none)
June 14, 2018